<p class="p1">⚠️ Potential Trigger Warning⚠️</p> <p class="p2"> </p> <p class="p1">ZOTD: My Story Isn’t Finished</p> <p class="p2">Despite my best efforts, I withdraw often when I’m struggling with my mental health. Then I beat myself up about it, to pile on the negative feelings.</p> <p class="p1">Just over 18 months ago, I tried to take my own life. My relationship of 11.5 years ended. I lost my fiancée. I lost my home. I lost my security. Absolutely saddled with debt. A student with no real income. I lost everything. I had nothing. Having struggled with anxiety and depression for many years, all of this broke me. I had moved temporarily in with my brother. The night before, I had written a note to each of those closest to me. That morning, I attempted to take my life.</p> <p class="p1">The hardest thing about my attempt failing was the faces, the cries and emotion from my family. I will never forget it as long as I live. If anything, the feelings were compounded by the most overwhelming guilt I have ever experienced.</p> <p class="p1">I finished a 1 year course at college. I am due to start university next week.</p> <p class="p1">I got my driving license earlier this year and got my first car a few months later.</p> <p class="p1">I have begun training at Tae Kwon Do.</p> <p class="p1">I meal prep and eat healthier.</p> <p class="p1">I have undergone intensive therapy and began to build myself up.</p> <p class="p1">I have tried on clothes that actually fit me and avoid baggy clothes. I actually feel kinda good.</p> <p class="p1">There’s a girl I’m chatting to who I’m kinda sweet on.</p> <p class="p1">I take myself on dates. Lunch. Dinner. Cinema. Shopping. I’m getting to know me. And I kinda like me a little bit more every day.</p> <p class="p1">I’m actually working on a design for submission for a Zox strap. How about that huh? It’s a helluva long shot but it’s an idea.</p> <p class="p1">It has been the most hard-going, arduous and exhausting mountain to climb. By no means am I at the peak. But I’m climbing. Sometimes, I slide down a little. But I’m getting stronger. I can pick myself up better than ever before. The cloud is lifting. The anxiety is coming to the forefront now, but when the depression lifts even for a little while? I ENJOY life. I walk around a local loch (I’m in Scotland. It’s a lake 😂) I love the smells, the sounds and the feeling of the wind.</p> <p class="p1">I couldn’t have gotten here without my wee family, my closest friends and others.</p> <p class="p1">To all those still fighting; I’m right there with you. My fight goes on every day. And believe it or not, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Will the darkness ever go away? I have no idea. But I’m gonna keep fighting to make it go away.</p> <p class="p1">If anyone, anywhere, EVER needs someone to talk to, message me. Talk to someone. You are not alone.</p> <p class="p1">I. Am. Still. Here.</p> <p class="p1">I survived.</p> <p class="p1">I will never stop fighting.</p> <p class="p2"> </p> <p class="p1">#WorldSuicidePreventionDay</p>